Clown

Ridi, Pagliaccio, sul taro amore infranto!
Ridi del duol che t'avvelena il cor!

I Pagliacci, Ruggero Leoncavallo

There was a lot of time since I felt like that. Maybe it's because today I'm not in the mood, or I feel too sensitive. But, the case is that it hurted me a bit. I don't know if you understand what I mean. You feel playful, you just feel creative and tries to make stories, to invent new worlds, to make fun of everything. and suddenly, you feel like nobody's playing your game, but the game of making fun of your worlds. And then you feel like a clown. And then suddenly all the fun disappears. You just can pretend that everything is ok, but you're again back in the reality with people who doesn't really understand you. Smiling while you're just in the mood for hiding of the world. And I don't like it. I don't like it at all. But I'm not going to just behave as they want me to behave. I just want to be myself. Even if it hurts...